“I Keep Jehovah Before Me Constantly”! — Psalm 16:8

THE TIME has arrived. The man in his formal suit has asked fifteen individuals to rise as he will utter two questions that will surely create a new definition of life. The crowd is in great silence, waiting for the happiest response ever heard. I, too, was there, finding myself in the center of this great pool of believers, standing in front, and ready to broadcast the same positive answer as what the other fourteen did. Simple move of my lips, yet requires time to prove its worth. Years must go to gradually find pieces that will complete the puzzle I am about to create. This time is the most precious of all, as it was the day of giving up my life to the One with the exclusive rights to all of my possessions. After some time, a melody was played and filled the stadium with its very heartfelt vibrations, following by the accompanying joyful voices of all attendees. I never heard such singing so lively before! It really touched my deepest self. The song concludes with the very reassuring words, “papigsaen ken patibkerennaka”, and that was the signal for us to took courage and walk into our full immersion. With much excitement but flavored with some fears, I walk in the center aisle, moving forward to the death of my older version. I am only seventeen at that time, but still, I can feel the breeze of a newborn start. I don’t know how I ended up in this milestone, but a thing is for sure: “I keep Jehovah before me constantly” in all of my walks.

This day, the 25th of August, I already consumed eight years of learning, the latter four was devoted in field service, from which two of them were years of proving that answers of mine in the above introduction as a dedicated Christian that bears the name of the most Holy One, Jehovah the Almighty. Within that span of time, happiness and sullenness played the most character of my heart, but the latter came outside the organization, which I used to modify myself, molding me to become a stronger Alexander. At times that I was in the field to harvest fruits of my long endeavors in searching for the deserving ones, happiness ruled my heart, but will gradually fade while I am on my walks returning to my home. This sudden change of mood makes me lie between the two contradicting views. However, even with the least flavors of happiness, I am still glad that my heart can now taste it. My heart has ended up in yearning for freedom from everything unpleasant, as the heaven rejoice and poured prosperously the desire and wishes of my soul. All of these were happened when I start to put my God in my front and “keep Jehovah before me constantly” as days passes by and counting.

When I start to search for the face of our God, my purpose by then is to find answers. Not long ago, I have been in the situation where everything seemed hopeless. In a single year, three souls has betrayed by three spirits, creating much disarrangement to the earthly inspirations. The spirits have left the souls and return to the Source of breaths. The souls [bodies itself], which are now spiritless, can’t do nothing but to lay down in a rectangular white box that have a crystal-clear glass window, a lid, a comfortable bed inside that will surely brings comfort to each that will abruptly lie to that comfortable resting place, with an environment that have been turned into a perfect place of mourning and meditations as it was decorated by flowers and quality styled linens in every angle of the room. There, in that fashioned box, they will take rests for years, for decades, or to an indefinite length of time that only God could measure. Elderly often talks that it is the best for them, so that they will no longer experience the sadness and desperation of this full of unrest, fragmentary, and chaotic world. Yet, watching them resting in that box creates a huge scourge that hurts my heart several times. Thousands of swords are ready to cut my outer garments and will harm my inner self anytime in each moment that I will take just a single glimpse to their last physical memory. I used to live in the presence of one of those three of my beloved ones in our kinship, and that he is the most important figure of my family tree. But now, he is gone, and the only thing he left for me is an old-fashioned chest “na magpahanggang ngayon, lagip laengen ti bilegna.” I am just ten at that time, and thus I can’t fathom what life really is. Yet, I am certain that my heart began to engage in a long chain of questions waiting for the response to be revealed, right in front of my meek heart.

After a year, my search have been concluded. Two of Jehovah’s Witnesses have been accidentally entered our circumscribed home vicinity. This is the time that I should walk to find the light to my satisfactions. I yearn for answers, and now, here they are, in the hand of two properly dressed witnesses. In their hand is a book of divine providence and guidance, the book they call the Holy Bible. This taught me of the most conclusive information using the most refreshing words! Definitely, these act of studying the scripture marks an end to my doubts and none of my questions were left in mystery. So I did the right thing: I continue to learn more about Jehovah’s way.

Four years have passed, I finished the whole course of my Bible study lessons, yet I am not fully complete. I know everything I have to know about the fundamental teachings and even the most complex issues, but my heart is not into it. I have learned about the promises, but still my deeds aren’t enough to be one of those who will inherit the proposed life when God’s will on earth will be done. The feeling of incompleteness makes me mad of myself, much more every time that I will think of what Jehovah have already done for me to secure a bright future where everything is fine. So I walk my first step, reviewed on July 24 of the year 2016, and announced publicly in the midst of the congregation as one of the potential witnesses of Jehovah on August 25 of the same year. Here, in an unexpected event and time, I began to run with all my strength to finish the life-long race to get the prize of everlasting glory to the name of Jehovah and an everlasting life as part of witnessing the very divine name. Until now, I can’t find any bruise or even a single mark of stain in all of my decisions to run in this race. All I can say is that I choose the best of all best life that a man could enjoy. Nothing will be placed in top, next, or below this life I have, because the life itself that I choose means everything: whatever I want inside the full protection of the greatest persona of all, Jehovah. Because of the life he has given me, I promised that in all of my ways, “I will keep Jehovah before me constantly,” and I will follow him to whatever he pleases me to go.

However, in the long run, much adversities were made to make me stumble. I ought that I will use majority of my energy to bring praises to the one who redeem me from the slavery of sin, but my current situation have taken much of my strength from day to day basis. Only two years have passed when I have first learned about the abnormal curvature of my spines. This thoracic dextroscoliosis have done much to my back, creating pains that I can’t endure for too long. At times that I want to enjoy the happy gatherings, my back seemed unhappy, refusing to rejoice in the harmony of good companies. In my life-long run, I urge for help to grant me enough strength to combat, not only the pain, but also the fear caused by uncertainties. And that is the time when I noticed the hands of God, giving me the gentle massage I need to restore the stressed muscles and pressured nerves into its normal and comfortable state. This help comes from an unexpected situation: from the joy of doing the best work. The field service became my pain reliever! Although my back will not take a break from the striking pain, but to the least possible time, I feel the comforts I wish. Seeing our brethren in the field while announcing the good news with much amount of zealousness makes me feel happy, as if I was lying in a soft cottony bed. This takes me out of the sullen world that once became a home for me for years. Reminiscing all of these events give me proofs that I can feel better as long as “I keep Jehovah before me constantly.”

All of these years and still counting, I am much glad that we have Jehovah. I know that he guided those two of our brothers right next to me so that I can fully take the freedom from the seal of those questions. Remembering my past years, I am much thankful that I have such maestro. They give me the best education I could get! They even turn my inquiries into a life-changing questions. I really owe to them and to Jehovah the life I now start to enjoy. If not only because of them, I may be in the situation where I am about to give up because of the pain in my back. I cannot experience the happy of preaching if not because of their help. But thinking of these, I can’t help myself but to put my life back to where I start. I am too curious what will my life be if I refuse to open the door of opportunity. “What will be my life if the loneliness reigned and not my desire to seek for answers, which I don’t know by then if these were as refreshing as water or very sour that I don’t even have the guts to taste it? Who will be my company, what is my business, and where I am in the midst of these tragic plight? Do I have still the reason to live if the truth fails to please me, or the only thing left for me are grounds that will force me to leave the life I have by then?” I don’t know the answers but I am certain that all of these can be the full opposite of what I am enjoying this time. I have already walk so far from the old me. But looking back to my past makes me cry, for my decisions take me away from the burden that might kill me. The truth that comes from Jehovah’s mouth moves to lift me up, getting all of my worries and replacing it with joy of a brand new start. My pasts are all history of a bitter life that provides life-long lessons, my present life are all news of a good change that gives hope to a weary heart, and my future is an inspiration to take urgency in making a huge change towards the betterment and to acquire courage so that we can continue in winning the battle.

Today, I am glad to commemorate the sweetest and most wonderful answer that I gave, and the hope that I have gained. And now, I am on my way of proving that answers of mine, and that I am worthy to the reward as the hope stipulates all of happy experiences in the new society. The earth has already revolved twice around the sun, yet I still have much to do so as to comply with my vows to Jehovah. Days move very fast, in a speed that I can’t fully fathom. I try to configure what’s with the mystery of days, but I can’t understand it in full. Some of my days are fully consumed in a satisfactory extent, while the others remain unused. The passing days are nothing but a mere steps that moves us to the destruction of things, and that sense put me in urgency to walk with integrity. Reminiscing all my past will make me reflect for my future. Today, even though I am not yet fully enlightened, I have decided to take steps towards my own salvation, making it faster, allowing Jehovah to stay in my front. Yes, just like the psalmist, I also promised to God and to myself that I will walk with Jehovah and see to it that “I keep Jehovah before me constantly.”

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